“Judge not lest yea be judged” and “Don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes” were lessons that I grew up with. We’re taught from a young age that judging others is not something we should do. However, to be human is to be a judging machine. We are constantly judging everything.
What does judging sound like?
- I think
- I feel
- I believe
These are strong indicators that we are judging. Judging others means that we are expressing are our opinions and we have opinions about the weather, politics and every person we come in contact with. We begin judging others the moment we meet them.
- I don’t like the clothes they are wearing.
- I’m not sure about that hair style.
- Is that a piercing or tattoo?
- They talk to fast or too slow.
- I wonder if they know the same people I know?
- Do they really know what they’re talking about?
And on and on the little voice goes…
What am I missing when I don’t observe all this judging going on?
What I’m missing is you. This unique individual, another human being that has concerns and likes and dislikes and may have something to offer me. But as long as I’m stuck in the judgments, opinions or beliefs, that I definitely will have, I don’t stand a chance at connecting.
I’m not saying that judgments are good or bad or right or wrong. If we didn’t have them we might find ourselves in dangerous situations. When a stranger knocks on our door at 3am it’s a good idea to have all kinds of judgments about them.
When I find myself dismissive of others and I begin to notice I’m stuck in my judgments. How do I get unstuck?
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Is their behavior something I wouldn’t tolerate in myself? Maybe you’re envious that they are free to do something that you would never do but wish you could. This can help you update your beliefs that may be holding you back.
- Do I actually do the same thing but don’t realize it? We can usually spot this in others. Have you ever heard someone complaining about someone else’s actions and thought to yourself “I don’t know why they’re complaining, they actually do the same thing”. It’s not so easy to see in ourselves.
A good rule of thumb is:
If you spot it, you got it!
Not what we typically want to hear but how could you recognize something that you’re not familiar with?
Here’s the best part. It’s not just about observing the negative judgments we have but also the positive. All the wonderful things you notice about others, how smart they are, their unique beauty or sense of humor…. that’s right…. you spot it you got it!
Upcoming EFL Courses:
